There is a commom habit we all have to blame others and the world around us for how we feel.  He makes me so mad; She is sooo annoying; The weather is making me miserable; This is driving me crazy.  Sound familiar? 

As we begin to turn our attention inward, we come to understand that He is just fine;  She is exactly how she needs to be; The weather is something we cannot control; This is perfect.  Everything we encounter is showing up exactly as it is supposed to show up.  What we can look at is our RELATIONSHIP to all of these things.

We turn the mirror around and take a look at ourself and ask, “What is going on with ME that I am unhappy with what is showing up?”  We begin by allowing for reality to arise as it needs to and stop trying to manipulate circumstances.  When we move toward this place of acceptance and spaciousness, we come to a more objective and loving place, letting the opinions and critical stories of the mind fade into the background.

Living in this state of unconditional happiness is called Santosha, contentment,  in yoga.  It is a state of being where we take full responsibility for our own happiness; no one else has the power to change our inherent state of ease and peace.  It is only when we believe that others and  external circumstances (which are constantly changing and out of our control) are the cause of our ill will that we are miserable.

This is not to say we have to roll over, be a doormat, become apathetic or inactive.  Absolutley not.  We communicate and act in ways that are most helpful to ourselves and others focusing on choices that bring us closer to that inherent state of ease.  When we constantly blame, point fingers and look outside of ourselves as excuses for why we feel discontent, we inflict suffering on ourselves.  But when we ALLOW for all to flow as it is, as it will, with or without critical opinion, then we are always in a state of grace.

When He is acting in a way that disturbs you, instead of trying to change him, notice what YOU can do to resolve the conflict.  We don’t like doing this because we like to be right all the time.  I get it, but I’ve decided it’s better to be kind than it is to be right.  I’ve never felt any lasting peace from arguing my way into winning a disagreement, but I’ve felt transformative happiness when I’ve let go of the conflict and expanded my heart and mind to include all of the anger and annoyance and frustration.  And when I soften, guess what, He softens too.